I had a plan. I would get married, then spend a few years focusing on our careers, each other and traveling before we started a family. Maybe three or four years and then babies, lots of babies.

After four years, degrees, careers, a house and some travel, we were ready. But, as we quickly learned, we weren't in control. After nine months of trying, I went to my OB-GYN who determined I wasn't able to get pregnant on my own. The next several months consisted of testing, procedures, medication, ultrasounds, tracking and peeing on sticks. Emotionally, those months consisted of tears, fighting, a little loss of self esteem, guilt and an obsession with getting pregnant.

I cried each month when my period arrived. I cried when someone I knew got pregnant and “wasn't even trying.” I even cried when tests came back showing my tubes were open and I was ovulating – in essence saying I was healthy. I cried a lot.

Even though this went on for about a year, I am fortunate. Not only did I just need some medicine to stimulate my eggs and make them bigger, but I also got pregnant very quickly. More importantly, the pregnancy lasted 36 weeks and resulted in a beautiful and healthy baby.

Many women aren't as lucky as I was. I now have two friends actively going through the process. After two years, a few different procedures and two miscarriages, Lisa is now on her second round of intrauterine insemination (IUI). Her process includes taking pills that make her emotional and cause cramping in order to generate eggs, then having an ultrasound to see if the eggs are viable and receiving a shot to release her eggs. The doctor then inserts her husband's sperm as close to the eggs as possible.

Tina tried IUI and In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which includes removing eggs from the body in order to fertilize them and put them back in the body in hopes that they “stick.” After several years and none of these procedures working, Tina and her husband were approached to consider a private adoption. They hired a lawyer and began going to the woman's doctor's appointments, only for the mom to back out a few months later. They are again looking into adoption and crossing their fingers for a different ending.

Not only is this process emotionally draining, but it's also very expensive. Many people drain their savings or take out loans in order to get pregnant. It's absolutely worth it if the result is a healthy baby, but that's not guaranteed.

Infertility seems to be one of those things that women don't talk about until they know someone else going through the same issues. It never occurred to me that I could have problems conceiving. I was (ahem) an unplanned pregnancy, so this wasn't a hereditary problem. My husband and I kept my issues a secret from everyone for nine months. It was a very lonely nine months. Once I told a few people, I quickly realized how many of my friends had similar issues.

I also understand that there is a big world of women out there that don't know when Day 1 is for them. Or can't tell when they're ovulating. To be honest, I love those people. I am jealous of those people, yes, but they also symbolize hope. One small token of advice for these women – don't tell women who are having fertility issues to just relax and it will happen. The most annoying phrase I heard was, “Just go out, have some wine and let it happen.” Or, “It will happen when you stop stressing.” I understand the sentiment, but if there is something medically wrong that's keeping me from getting pregnant, wine and a massage won't help.

Also to the women who have had fertility issues, it’s okay to be thankful. I am. I just ask that you step back and look at the big picture. I have seen countless comments and forum posts where women talk about how special their kids are to them because of their fertility issues. No matter how you got pregnant, our kids are all special to us. We may not have had similar conception stories, but I can guarantee we have a lot of similar pregnancy, labor or motherhood stories.

Even if a mom got pregnant easily, she may have had a difficult pregnancy, had a baby in the NICU or had issues after she came home. We all love our children more than we could have possibly imagined. And we’re all trying the best we can. Hopefully, we can all laugh and share together along the way.

Melissa Cruickshank, who works full-time, is married with one daughter. Read more from her here.