Over the years, whenever one of my kids would say, "I can't do that!" or "I don't know how to do that!" or "This is too hard!" or "I don't want to do that!" I'd offer a standard reply that served me well: "Oh, come on, a monkey can do that!"

That usually prompted them to argue with me: "A monkey can't use a vacuum!" "A monkey can't set the table!" "A monkey doesn't know how to do math!"

If the argument went on for too long, I, being the enlightened, reasonable parent that I am, usually ended up yelling, "Just do it!"

Kids Nos. 3 and 4 have started to figure out how to avoid the monkey conversation, presumably from listening to me talking to kids Nos. 1 and 2, who are 24 and 21 years old and, therefore, out of the house.

Now, when I tell 3 and/or 4 to do something, they answer with, "I will!" or "I'm going to!" or "Just a second!" or "Why can't (No. 5) do it? He doesn't do anything!"

I can't shoot down their protests when they're not protesting. And they probably figure that if they stall long enough, I'll tire of waiting and just do the job myself. (Unless it's their homework. I'm not doing their homework for them.)

Fortunately, kids Nos. 4 and 5 will be around for several more years when easy but necessary household tasks arise.

After they go, I may have to test my premise and actually go out and buy a monkey.

Let's see how a monkey's arguments fare against my imposing intellect. Bring it on, monkey.

Bob Glissmann is married with five children. He writes and edits for the World-Herald.